The Price of Being a Snape
by DraconicLullabyes
Summary: Kaitey is married to everyone's favorite Potions Master, but he's not the Potions Master yet. This is my idea for why Severus is the way he is. Please rr! Rated R for later content. Enjoy!
1. chapter 1

Sinking down to the cold tiled floor the tears streamed down her rosy cheeks. Her body trembled in indefinable agony, as she covered her face with her unsteady hands. Everything in their house was his shadow, she wanted to forget; she wanted to escape from this empty ache. How could he have gone? She longed to feel his touch or even to hear his soothing velvety voice telling her that it would all be okay.

Everything had been perfect and now it was all gone. Lifting her head up she searched for an answer, something to help take the pain away. Her eyes fell on her razor and stared blanklyat it. It was a way out, but she couldn't bring herself to reach for it. Something held her back and just wouldn't allow her to give herself that release.

Pulling his robe down from its place on the door, she buried her face into the soft cotton folds breathing in deeply, smelling his scent that lingered still. She had never felt so alone and yet so suffocated in all of her life. No one knew her pain, or understood all the thoughts flashing through her head, even though they all pretended to. Nothing and no one could help her no matter how desperately she screamed out for it. How could he have gone into the darkness to follow a man…. no not even a man, but a creature so malicious? Had she and his child not been enough to at least make him content?

She brushed a damp curl behind her ear sighing heavily. Closing her eyes she tried to think of someone to call. Someone she could talk to and not be ridiculed by. Jade was thousands of miles away on her honeymoon with Sirius. James probably already knew, what with he and Lily being in the order. Remus would probably listen but then he'd probably be too absorbed in his own thought to give any coherent response. She had no one and she wasn't about to call her parents just to hear I told you so.

Picking herself and his robe up off the floor she walked slowly back into the bedroom and slumped down onto her bed. She stared around her at the pictures and at each piece of clothing carelessly strewn across the floor. She didn't even notice as a tall, slim figure walked in.

"Good evening Kaitey," it wasn't the voice she wanted to hear but it was still warm and comforting.

Without turning to face him she sighed wiping away fresh tears. "Hello Professor. How are you?"

"I'm quite well thank you." He said softly as he sat himself in the chair next to her bed. " How is your new family coming along?" He beamed over at the tiny wooden cradle, His blue eyes twinkling as his gaze turned back to her face reading her thoughts as easily as though they were written on a scroll.

Staring sadly at the cradle the tears running freely down her cheeks, "Why did he leave me? I thought he was happy here…" covering her face once more with his robe. " I just don't know what went wrong."

"There, there dear." He moved forward sitting down next to her on the bed. Wrapping his lanky arms around her he rocked slowly to soothe her. "Severus will come back my dear. He is, after all, still very young."

"But you don't understand Dumbledore, he's gone under Vo…. well you know who." She pulled back frustrated, wiping tears away and brushing another curl behind her ear.

"Ahh yes. Now that you mention it I do recall hearing something about it from James." Looking over his half-moon spectacles at her, "He's quite concerned about you, you know. But I would not dwell on it my dear. You've a little one to take care of now as well as yourself." With that he gave her a tender pat on the knee and stood, walking over to the cradle he smiled down at the sleeping child. "He's very luck to have you for a mum Kaitey. You know where to find myself Professor McGonagall should you need anything," and with a twinkling of his bright blue eyes and a soft pop he was gone.

Sliding herself under the sheets she ran her fingers reminiscently across the indent on his side of the bed. Somehow Dumbledore always seemed to know how to soften things. She remembered something Severus had said once that being a Snape came with certain prices. The thought that this might be one of those prices made her sick. What if they expected her son to join when he came of age? What would she do if it came down to her taking it?

Her eyes came back into focus as a shrill wail emitted from the cradle. Standing, she walked over and gently took the infant into her arms. Shifting him slightly, she slid her arm out of her plaid nightshirt. His tiny mouth met mechanically with her nipple suckling greedily for her warm milk. This brief connection brought her back, helping her to realize that this little boy was why she was still here. She smiled down at him as his pudgy fingers began to relax on her breast. Walking back to the bed, she sat herself against the headboard, exhausted from her tears. A tiny pop as he pulled back let her know he'd had his fill and, sitting him up, she pat softly on his back until a relieved belch came forth. After repeating the process on her left side and giving him a quick change, she laid him tenderly back in his cradle. Brushing a black lock from his face, she smiled leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on his chubby cheek.


	2. chapter 2

The snow crunched under Kaitey's boots as she made her way through the streets of Hogsmeade. Everything was decorated with bright lights and red ribbons, and Kaitey felt like a child again. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had offered to watch Ayden so that she could go out with her friends.

"And besides," Molly had said, "the boys will keep him plenty entertained dear." And giving her stomach a protective rub she waddled after the twins.

Walking in through the door of the Dancing Mermaid, she shed her cloak and gloves searching around for her group. She found them with little trouble, in the back corner booth talking merrily with one another.

"Hullo guy, Happy Christmas," she smiled around at all of them before taking her seat next to Remus.

"Hey Kit, how's Ayden?" James smiled across the table at Kaitey his arm wrapped protectively around Lily's ever-growing stomach.

"He's doing wonderfully. He's actually starting to turn himself over." She gave her brother a triumphant smile and then turning to Jade and Sirius, "So how was Italy? You were so excited to go and now you haven't told me anything about it."

Jade sighing as her eyes lit up, "It was SO beautiful! We went through Florence, then Rome and I can't even begin to remember most of the other names of the cities. The magical ancestry there is just so overwhelming. We got to see the Coliseum and a bunch of the older Roman temples. Oh and the muggle museums and churches were beautiful as well!"

Sirius, grinning broadly at his new bride, gave her a soft kiss on the neck and then turning to Kaitey, "Yea, I think she liked it. She and I are joining the Order next month." Then giving her a more sympathetic look, "So how about you Kit? How're you holdin' up?"

Kaitey's eyes darkened briefly as thoughts of Severus swept back into her mind and she gave Sirius a forced smile replying, "I'm fine. I'm just not sure if I want to do the Order just yet."

Remus, catching onto her sensitivity, quickly changed the subject to his stomach. "Well then, I'm absolutely starving! Whose ready to order?" Seeing Kaitey's appreciative smile he gave her a discreet wink. "Um, excuse me waitress? We'd like to order now please. I think I'll have a butter beer and umm… how about some of that Christmas roast?"

Opening their menus the rest quickly gave their orders and thanks the waitress.

"So, this place is nice. I don't think I've ever been here before. But I'd heard it was a dance club." Kaitey looked at Remus trying to keep the conversation going.

"Well," he said propping his chin on his wrist, "the back half of it is." He pointed to the back of the tavern where there were two rather large black double doors. "I think they've put a silencing charm on that wall. Diana and I come here sometimes."

"So where is she tonight? I'd expected you to bring her with you."

"She wanted to spend the Christmas holidays with her family, seeing as how right after she'd have to go right back to Hogwarts to finish teaching her students. She's a wonderful Defense Against the Dark Arts teach you know." He smiled slight thinking of his fiancée. "Well when she told me that she wanted to go see her family I just said I'd rather stay here with you lot." He gave her an affectionate nudge. "Besides they're an awfully boring bunch…. Wouldn't want to miss all the excitement here."

"Well it wouldn't be Christmas without all of us here. I mean…." Kaitey's voice faltered slightly and she gave an apologetic smile, trying not to dampen everyone else's Christmas with her own problems.

"It's alright mate," Remus smiled down at her and gave her an affectionate hug as the waitress delivered their food and drinks.


	3. chapter 3

Having all eaten and talked to their fill, Sirius and James decided it was time for them all to head to back and do some dancing, so they all walked back together. Pushing the doors open they all walked through, but as the two large black doors closed behind, they all gasped in unison at the horror before them. The floor was filled with the bodies of witches and wizards; all with a look of shear terror on their faces, arms stretched up for a last cry for help. The air around them smelled of death as the colorful strobes flashed around them, the music still pounding on.

"Damnit no!" Sirius turned ramming his fists into the wall.

Kaitey's eyes grew wide as the horror of it all hit her, this is what he was doing. Severus was killing innocent people under Voldemort's name and command. Her stomach grew sick and she turned away noticing for the first time the five white masks hovering in the darkness across the room. The other must have noticed about the same time because all at once shimmers of light were being flashed both ways. Every curse imaginable was being screamed out around her.

Her eyes streaked to her brother as she heard him yell out in pain. Before she could run to him she felt a long and slender hand reach out of the darkness closing around her mouth and pulling her away. She struggled as the hooded figure dragged her out into the backside alleyway. Spinning her around the hands become gentler and more recognizable.

Kaitey gave a startled gasp, her hands flying out to the mask and flinging it off. "Severus! Oh my god!" Her arms were about his neck in an instant clinging to him as though this embrace meant life or death for her. Her body shook as she wept openly for the first time since she had seen Dumbledore three weeks before.

"Not here." Severus' voice was unsteady and quick but his arms lingered longingly about her waist as he whispered quickly in her ear. "Be at home tonight, I'll be there if I can." With that he leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. Two seconds later he was gone.

Rushing back inside, she sighed with relief seeing that everyone was okay. Jade flung her arms about Kaitey's neck yelling at her, "Where the hell did you go! We thought you might have been taken…or worse! What the hell were you thinking?"

Kaitey gave her friend a brief hug and pulled back seeing James' arm bleeding. "Are you okay Jamie?"

"Yes, I'm fine." He pointed his wand at the wound and flinched as the sleeve to his shirt tore off and wrapped itself tightly around his forearm. "That should stop the bleeding, but I'd better run up to the school and have Madame Pomfrey fix it properly."

Lily took him by the arm, "You'll be alright. I'll see you guys later, tonight was umm… fun." She gave a nervous laugh and ushered him quickly out. Lily had never really taken to the rambunctious lifestyle of group and Kaitey couldn't honestly see what James saw in her, but then in Kaitey's eyes no one would ever be good enough for James.

Sirius looked around him painfully at all the death and scratched the back of his head nervously. "The Death Eaters are getting worse than, I'm pretty sure, they ever have been. Jade, we'd best go talk to Albus about this. We need to find out who these people are and inform their families. I don't want any of them touched until we can get the Ministry out here."

Remus rubbed his amber eyes sleepily, "I'll talk to Mr. Farren and see to it that he shuts the entire place down for investigation and… cleaning. See if we can figure out how they got in without anyone noticing." Turning to Kaitey he gave her a soft pat on the shoulder. "Go get some rest Kate. Ayden, I think, is best left where he is for the night. Its not safe in Hogsmeade right now…. Its not safe anywhere."


End file.
